Thirteen Hours of Requiem, Suzaku Side
by aftercolony
Summary: Suzaku/Lelouch - spoilers to the end of R2, implications of sex --- Suzaku's last misgivings come to the surface hours before the Zero Requiem.


My consciousness drifts in and out for hours after what was our unspoken last time making love. The coldness of the bedchamber finally pulls me out of my dreamscape and my eyes blink against the darkness.

I turn my head to my right, noticing how far away I've moved from Lelouch's body amidst my restlessness. Scooting closer to his warm frame, I stare through the lightless room at his sleeping form, laying on his back, an arm resting on his bare chest.

I close my eyes, a pain rising in my chest and it feels like as though I'm a million miles away from him, even though I can reach out to touch him this instant.

I raise a shaky hand from under the sheets, allowing it to encircle Lelouch's own. I can feel myself heave and as I think about the two of us: a man that is already dead and a man who has chosen death at his own accord, I bury my face into a pillow, wishing I could cast everything away just as easily as Lelouch.

I feel Lelouch's hand turn under mine and my head raises quickly as I meet his calming eyes. In any other time, with any other person, his Geass glowing eyes against the blackness of the room would have been unsettling, but it only had a calming effect on me; I wondered at times if it had to do with the fact that I was geass'd or if it was just Lelouch's general effect on me.

"Suzaku... why are you crying?" His voice cut through me. I hadn't even noticed I had started.

"I'm-"

He laced his fingers through mine, pulling our hands up below his chin. "We don't have much time left until the morning. You should sleep while you can."

He was still the same. Even earlier as he had sex, our usual passion was no longer there.

"I don't think I can do this any longer." The words spilled out before I even could stop them. All the feelings that had begun to build up during our days together as Emperor and Knight.

"What are you saying?" I can barely see the disappointment flash across his features as he continues. "You made your promise Suzaku, as I did mine. It's too late to doubt now."

I close my eyes tight, unable to look at him, knowing I'll never see him like this again. We'll never be this close for the rest of my life. And my tears will be the last he sees. "There are other options... this peace... why can't it continue as it was?" I say those selfish words, knowing that the time to back out has long since passed. But for some reason, I hope for some miracle that Lelouch is so well at.

"There are no other options." He releases his hand from my own and I look at him. "I'm doing this to clean Euphie's name as I promised you. And for Nunnally as well. I'm doing this for-"

I take his lips against my own in a hard kiss, unwilling to hear more about the "Requiem" which I had been so consumed with for so long. Here, alone for our final night something shook me to the core and I felt like I was beginning to drown in this unstoppable sorrow.

Lelouch doesn't return the kiss and I cry hard against his mouth before I finally pull away, partly ashamed of the tears that streak my face. I place my hands on his chest, as if holding on to him will keep the sun from rising in a few more hours.

"Please... no more... Lelouch. This burden is too great. I can't... not without you..." Lelouch has not cried once all this time, maybe I'm holding the burden of his sorrow as well.

"You can Suzaku. You're my one and only friend left in this world. That's why you're the only one who can carry on this geass."

Everything he says is nothing I want to hear and I bury my face into his shoulder, willing him to say those words I need. I'm here Suzaku. I won't leave you. We'll be together forever. I'm sorry. But he says nothing comforting.

"You said... together we can do anything. Why can't we create a peaceful world together?" I know I say it barely loud enough for him to hear, but when his hand comes to tangle into my hair, I know he has.

The room falls silent and neither of us speak and I suddenly feel foolish for throwing my troubles on to Lelouch so suddenly, saying things I already know the answers why to; when his own burdens are great enough.

I pull out of his embrace and roll over to my side of the bed once more, my back facing him.

"Suzaku... I l-"

"Don't." It comes out more harsh than I would have wanted, but it silences him. I knew what he was going to say, but I couldn't bare hearing it now. I had said it until I was breathless, but Lelouch returned it not even once this night. It didn't matter any longer now.

When I awoke in the morning, Lelouch was already gone and all that was there to greet me was the heavy black fabric of Zero's outfit.


End file.
